JUDGING
JUDICIOUSLY: YOM KIPPUR
Shira
Smiles Shiur –
September 28, 2014/Tishrei 4, 5775
Summary
by Channie Koplowitz Stein
One of the sins which we confess and for which we ask forgiveness on
Yom Kippur
is the sin of judgment. While one might think that this sin is specific
and
applies to judges and others in the practice of law, the truth is that
it
applies to each of us, for each of us makes judgments about others and
about
situations in our lives throughout each day. As Rav Meislish explains
in Viduy
Hameforat, we are commanded that in judging others, we should
always give
everyone the benefit of the doubt. This applies to whether we question
the
reasoning of our rabbis or wondering about the motivation of a simple
Jew in
doing mitzvoth. On an even deeper level, continues Rabbi Meislish, we
must also
give “the
benefit of the doubt”
to Hakodosh Boruch Hu and ascribe good motives to Hashem when we are
faced with
challenges.
We may think that giving the benefit of the doubt goes beyond the
letter of the
law and is not a requirement. But Rabbi Reiss in Meirosh Tzurim,
citing
the Malbim, informs us that this is an actual Torah
requirement. The
verse states, “B’tzedek
tishpot et
amitecha –
with righteousness shall you judge your fellow. Amitecha, notes
the Malbim,
refers not to the exalted among you, but to every individual.
Righteousness, giving
the benefit of the doubt, is not a chessed that one has the option to
pursue or
not, but an actual commandment of the Torah, the commandment to pursue
righteousness. And don’t
think that because of your superior intelligence in judging the
character of
others, you are exempt from this law, notes Rabbi Silberberg in Sichot
Hitchazkut, because this mitzvah applies to everyone.
We proclaim, “This
is my God and I will glorify Him.”
We glorify God not only in the “religious”
mitzvoth between ourselves
and God, but also in the social mitzvoth between ourselves and our
fellow man,
writes Rabbi Weissblum in Heorat Derech. But how can I work on
giving
the benefit of the doubt to someone I feel has wronged me?
Rabbi Schapira in Keter Meluchah gives us some guidelines.
First we must
understand that much of our sinful behavior comes from deeply rooted
negative
characteristics, such as arrogance and jealousy. Therefore, it is
incumbent
upon us to work on uprooting these traits. One of the ways to uproot
these
traits is to practice judging others favorably. There is no easy
formula to
achieve this, for each of us is wired differently with our unique set
of
characteristics. So the first step must be to understand ourselves, to
know
which trait is our obstacle and work on eradicating it. What I need to
work on
will undoubtedly be different from what you need to work on. Rabbi
Shapira here
quotes from the Ramchal’s
introduction to Messilat Yeshorim: “The
basis of man’s
service to God is that he clarify …
what his obligation is in his world.”
In other words, not all the paths are equally effective for all people.
One
must identify the path that will help me reach my designated
destination.
Bringing an analogy from Rav Dessler, just as the beauty of a symphony
lies in
each instrument playing its assigned part in unison with the others and
not in
usurping the notes of others, so is it important for each to identify
our role
and the characteristic we must work on so our role becomes harmonious
with the
music of the world. We each must develop our personal talents to their
fullest,
and not rest on our laurels on what we have accomplished as compared to
others.
Given your talents, how much more can you accomplish than your friend
whose
strengths may not lie in this area?
Along these lines, Rabbi Schapira quotes from Pirkei Avot, “Do
not judge your
fellow until you have reached his place,”
to which the Sefas Emes adds, “You’ll
never reach his
place,”
you’ll
never have his
background, his challenges, his strengths and his weaknesses.
Therefore, we
must always give him the benefit of the doubt.
Rebbetzin Felbrand in Grow! brings a personal perspective to
this issue.
Sometimes our actions don’t
turn out as we expect even though our intentions were good. We tend to
judge
ourselves by our intentions, perhaps recognizing unusual circumstances
that
changed the outcome. But do we do the same for others? Do we ascribe
good
intentions to others, and find extenuating circumstances for their
behavior?
The Slonimer Rebbe the Netivot Shalom, reminds us that Hashem
created
each person with his own unique world of circumstances, challenges and
talents
to accomplish the mission Hashem has set for him. If anything here were
missing, the individual would be unable to accomplish his mission. Each
of us
is a piece in the jigsaw puzzle of the world, with our own rounded
corners and
jagged edges. If we were to take away one bit of the piece, it would no
longer
fit properly into the whole.
But we do not have the box top that shows us the whole picture.
Therefore,
notes the Lekach vhalebuv, when I declare my faith in Hakodosh
Boruch Hu
by reciting the Shema, I cover my eyes, admitting that much is
hidden
from me. Since I do not see the whole picture, I am now ready to judge
others
favorably and can extend that to judging Hashem Himself favorably.
Toward the beginning of this discussion, we talked about working on our
middos,
our character traits. Rabbi Friedlander in Middos writes that
we can
significantly work on building humility, the antithesis of arrogance,
by
practicing judging others favorably. This is a fundamental trait in all
of our
relationships and it involves stepping out of myself and seeing other
possibilities
and points of view. If I am a fashion consultant, I tend to notice
others’
clothes, and if I’m
a professional
organizer, I would notice how neat or messy someone’s
home or office is. But if you
practice minimizing your inherent perspective and looking for
alternative
scenarios, you are expanding your world to include others while
diminishing
your presence within that world; you are becoming less arrogant and
more
humble.
Rebbetzin Felbrand gives an interesting analogy. She writes that we
each have a
pair of binoculars. Depending on which end we look through, things are
either
enlarged or minimized. When we look at our positive characteristics, we
look
through the lens that will enlarge the objects, and when we look at our
faults,
we look through the minimizing lens. On the other hand, we tend to do
the
reverse when looking at others. Turn the binoculars around. Maximize
the good
in others and minimize their faults.
To be happy, writes Rabbi Reiss, we must be able to see and learn to
reframe
every situation so that it has a positive spin. Sometimes we are like
the child
looking through the keyhole seeing someone cutting up beautiful cloth.
Oh no,
he’s
ruining
the cloth moans the child. But in fact this is a master tailor cutting
the
cloth to make a beautiful new suit for the king. We are often like that
child,
seeing only what is directly in front of us. We cannot see that when
Hashem “cuts”
us, it may be the
first step in creating a beautiful and important part of our lives.
Therefore,
we ask Hashem to let us see the good.
We can approach our discussion from yet another perspective. Rabbi
Silberberg
in Sichot Hitchazkut tells us that the Targum translates
betzedek
tadin et amitecha as “with
truth shall you judge your comrade. That means judging him in his
truth, not in
your truth. His core is still good, but sometimes the animal part of
life
overcomes his better nature. When someone pushed us and we fall, notes,
Rabbi
Noach Weinberg, we may be irate, until we actually see who bumped into
us and
realize he is blind. We all have blind spots that cause us to do things
unintentionally, whether it is the blind man who pushed us or our
sudden anger
at him, and we should therefore give our fellow the benefit of the
doubt.
In a related vein, Rav Aaron Solveichick discusses the dual
personalities
within each of us. We each have our pure, beautiful essence that
strives for
nobility and holiness. But we also have a stranger within us,
conflicting, animalistic
instincts that push us toward sin. The way to bring a person to
teshuvah is to
let him see that his core is pure and sacred, and the sins and
inclinations
toward improper behavior are animal strangers invading his body. Show
him his
great spiritual strength. While we may stumble and fall, our essence
remains
pure and upright.
The Tallelei Chaim, the Chalban, makes a beautiful,
profound
connection between the special Yom Kippur service and the individual
service of
each Jew on that day. One day a year the High Priest enters the
innermost
chamber of the Temple, the Holy of Holies, the place where he, as the
representative for our entire people, comes in closest contact with
absolute
purity and sanctity. So too, on this day, must each of us enter into
our
innermost, deep, pure core and recognize our own sanctity, and that any
sins
attached to me are completely superficial. With this recognition, it
becomes
easier to reframe our actions and do teshuvah.
When I can reframe and give myself the benefit of the doubt, says the
Sifsei
Chaim, I am shrinking myself and making room for another. As I shrink
myself,
my sins shrink with me. Further, writes Rebbetzin Felbrand, Hashem
mirrors our
behavior towards others when He judges us, so that if we judge others
favorably, Hashem will also look for ways to judge us favorably, or,
conversely, if we judge others harshly, Hashem will judge us harshly as
well.
Rabbi Frand in We’re
All in This Together quotes a line from the Yom Kippur liturgy: “You
know the
secrets of the world and the hidden secrets of all who live.”
But the Hebrew
word for secrets is also translated as contradictions. Hashem knows
that each
of us is a mass of contradictions and inconsistencies. As Hashem sees
them, so
must we too search them out and resolve them so that we can merit a new
year
where we judge others and Hashem judges us righteously, with love, and
with the
benefit of every doubt.