BS”D
SENSITIVITY AND
SILENCE: THE THREE WEEKS
Shira Smiles shiur 5781/2021
Adapted by Channie Koplowitz Stein
Our
Sages tell us that in every generation that the Beit Hamikdosh is not rebuilt,
it is as if the Beit Hamikdosh was again destroyed. Since the Beit Hamikdosh
has not yet been rebuilt, it behooves us to explore the reasons for its
destruction so that we can rectify our ways and hasten the coming of Moshiach
and the rebuilding of our Mikdosh. As Megillat Eichah says, we must examine our
ways and do the work necessary to achieve that goal.
Our
Sages teach that the first Beit Hamikdosh was destroyed for the three cardinal
sins, idol worship, sexual immorality, and spilling blood. In contrast, the
second Beit Hamikdosh was destroyed because of baseless hatred among the people
even though the people were meticulous in their mitzvah observance. Rabbi Reiss
points out that we can extrapolate that interpersonal relationship and “social”
mitzvoth observance are greater than the mitzvoth between man and God. Further,
Rabbi Reiss explains, mitzvah observance can be a brilliant veneer covering a
deep corruption of inner character. Baseless hatred of others grows from a
sense of arrogance that infects even acts of kindness. For, notes Rabbi Reiss,
if one has carved out a niche of chesed, say operating a food gemach, the
arrogant individual would feel slighted by someone opening such an additional
food pantry. He would feel his own honor is being diminished, and he would begin
hating the second individual, irrespective of the common good. Our challenge
comes in finding ways to repair this character flaw.
The
period between the 17th of Tammuz and the 9th of Av is
known as Bein Hamitzorim/Between the Narrow, confining
places/times. The phrase itself comes from Megillah Eichah where the
Prophet Yirmiyahu laments that the enemy caught Yisroel bein hamitzorim.
Rabbi Shaul Chanan citing the Kli Yakar, suggests that the source for
this term is in the first verse of Sefer Devarim. In reviewing the
journey from Mitzrayim to Eretz Yisroel, Moshe recounts that Bnei Yisroel
traveled bein Paran uvein Tofel/between Paran and between Tofel. It
would have been simpler to say that they traveled from Paran to Tofel. What is
being taught through using this redundant, superfluous word between?
In
Toras Chesed, Rabbi Chanan quotes the Kli Yakar, who suggests that these
two places mark the sites of the two major sins of that generation, the sin of
the spies sent from Paran and the sin of the golden calf, something tofel/worthless,
empty and nothing, as is all worship of false gods promoted by false prophets.
These two sins serve as brackets for the period identified as The Three Weeks/Bein
Hamitzorim. Our first Beit Hamikdosh was destroyed for the same sin as that
of the golden calf, serving false gods, while our Second Beit Hamikdosh was
destroyed for the sin of the spies.
What
exactly was the sin of the spies? We are told that they spoke negatively/loshon
horo about the land they were about to enter, causing fear in the people
until they slandered Hashem Himself, saying, “Because of Hashem’s hatred for us
did He take us out of the Land of Egypt…” The seed of baseless hatred had now
been planted in Bnei Yisroel in their slander of Hakodosh Boruch Hu, projecting
their own hatred of each other onto Him. Moshe need do no more than allude to
the various points of strife and baseless hatred that continued to arise within
Bnei Yisroel throughout the journey and, unfortunately continues today.
As
we can see from the spies, the root of baseless hatred lay in a lack of faith
in Hakodosh Boruch Hu, writes the Vilna Gaon. Therefore, we can deduce that a
person with faith but with few mitzvoth is greater than the one who observes
mitzvoth faithfully, but without the inner faith that should animate that
observance. With deep faith, one believes that everything comes from Hashem.
One will cease envying someone for having more than you or disliking someone
for a perceived wrong against you. It is all Hashem’s doing.
Baseless
hatred starts with a negative eye, from judging people and things negatively,
as the spies judged the land. To counter this tendency, Rabbi Chanan urges us
to become humble by practicing the use of a “good eye,” of judging everyone
favorably. If we can see that every person has some trait in which he surpasses
me, we will not come to denigrate him. Since we are all different, there will
always be some talent, skill, or natural characteristics that I can appreciate
in another if I look at him with a favorable eye. Focus on the positive rather
than on the one negative that annoys or troubles you.
While
the Chofetz Chaim sees the root of sinat chinom/baseless hatred as lying
in a person’s negative eye, with the offshoot, loshon haro, and the
Vilna Gaon sees it in a lack of faith, Rabbi Chanan suggests that the two are
closely connected. It starts with the lack of faith in Hakodosh Boruch Hu which
leads to viewing people and things with a negative perspective and results in loshon
horo. When a person lacks faith in Hashem, he is forced to rely only upon
himself, obviously leading to hating anyone with whom he may have some
difficulty or a disagreement.
If
it’s always all about me, I begrudge everyone else everything. Further, I will
not come to anyone’s defense if they are being wronged. Not only do I not want
to get involved, but I get angry that my calm and serene surroundings were
being disturbed. It was this attitude, continues Rabbi Chanan, that kept all
the dignitaries and lay people from speaking up to allow Bar Kamtza to preserve
his dignity by staying at the party he had erroneously been invited to. It was
this incident that led Bar Kamtza, in an act of absolute evil speech, to
falsely tell Emperor Nero that the Jews were plotting against Rome and would
refuse to offer Roman sacrifices to Hashem. Bar Kamtza then injured the lip of
the sacrificial lamb so that it would be rejected, and Roman forces were called
up against Israel. In an ironic twist, it was the mouth of the animal that was
unacceptable, like the mouths of people who speak loshon horo.
For
twenty years prior to the churban/destruction Hashem was already sending
messages and omens foretelling tragedy to Bnei Yisroel, for example, the red
string did not come out of the Kodesh Kodoshim/Holy of Holies
transformed into white string, indicating the sins had been forgiven. Perhaps
the most telling omen of all, was that the great, heavy doors doors to the hall
opened on their own, without human intervention, indicating that anyone would
be able to come in at will, as did the destroyers.
Symbolically,
writes Rabbi Eliyahu Roth, these doors represent the “doors” to the mouth, the
lips which is no longer guard the mouth behind them, from which emanates
whatever words or language the speaker wishes to say at the moment, regardless
of any consequences. When you control your mouth, you close the gate to the loshon
horo that leads to sinat chinom. If you {Bnei Yisroel] will use
language not recognizable for a holy nation, I/God will bring a nation upon you
from afar whose language you will not recognize. Just as your speech can
destroy someone even when you are at a distance from him, deprive him of a job
or of a shidduch, so will a nation come from afar to destroy you. Your tongue
is a dangerous weapon, reminds us Rabbi Pliskin. Guard it appropriately. Our
inner sanctity comes out through the power of speech [We became a ruach
memalela/speaking creature (Onkelos) through the breath Hashem
breathed into us. Each time we breathe, there is a small exhalation of that
breath. CKS] Loshon horo corrupts that sacred breath.
However,
when a person considers himself the master of his own mouth, he is denying
Hashem as his Master, writes Rabbi Noach Chaifetz. Then he will feel free to
say whatever he wants, unencumbered either by halachah or by propriety. We need
to work on both strengthening our bitachon and on curbing our speech.
Rabbi
Wolbe points out an interesting paradox in our history, unless we understand
the importance of proper character traits. Dovid Hamelech, a most righteous
monarch and servant of God, who governed a mitzvah observant Bnei Yisroel,
suffered suffered fatalities in war while Achav, who led the Jews into idol
worship, did not suffer such fatalities. However, notes Rabbi Wolbe, during the
time of Dovid Hamelech there were gossip mongers among the Jews, whereas, as
sinful as the generation of Achav was, they did not bear tales against each
other. All the mitzvah observance could not protect Bnei Yisroel from the
consequences of this major flaw in their character. Since our Beit Hamikdosh
was destroyed because of baseless hate, we must try to rebuild it through
baseless love. Rabbi Zilberberg reminds us of Moshe’s greatness. Although being
raised in Pharaoh’s palace when he grew up, he became great through going out
of his comfort zone to see the suffering of his brothers and to carry the
burden with them.
What
blocks us from seeing others? Rabbi Zilberberg recounts this story about Rebbe
Elimelech. Rebbe Elimelech had a rich but stingy congregant/disciple. Rabbi
Elimelech asked the man to look into a mirror and then asked him what he saw.
Obviously, he saw himself reflected back to him. Then the Rebbe took him to the
window. Looking through the window, the man saw other people. What so often
keeps us from seeing others is a blockage of silver in front of the looking
glass of our eyes.
We
ourselves may be very connected to Hashem, thanking Him for all our blessings,
our health, our families, our livelihood. But do we see that our friend or
neighbor may feel himself alone, lacking these blessings, asks Rabbi
Zilberberg? We may not be in a position to help others financially, but we can
all embrace our brethren with love, see what they are lacking, and pray for
them. When we step out of ourselves and ignite the fire of baseless love for
others within ourselves, we are helping light the fire of the altar in the Beit
Hamikdosh.
There
are two balancing aspects to proper speech, notes Rabbi Schorr in Halekach
Vehalebuv. One needs to know what needs to be said and when and how to say
it. But one must also learn to recognize when it is important to remain silent.
As a model for these two aspects, we have Moshe the orator and Aharon, the one
who remained silent even in the most trying circumstance. Further, continues
Rabbi Schorr, the Beit Hamikdosh was built straddling the lands of Yehudah and
Binyamin. Most of the Beit Hamikdosh was built on the land of Yehudah, whose
very name implies speech, voicing gratitude. But the Kodesh Kodoshim was in the
portion of Binyamin who inherited the power of silence from his mother Rachel.
Binyamin knew how to speak, as his representative stone on the priest’s
breastplate implied (yesh peh), but he knew to speak only when it was
necessary. Taking these lessons to heart, Rabbi Schorr suggests we practice
silence on Shabbat, speaking only when necessary or discussing words of Torah.
We
know how to talk; we must learn how to be silent. Rabbi Pincus reminds us of
Yirmiyahu’s prophetic vision. As Bnei Yisroel is sent into exile, among all the
heavenly Patriarchs and Leaders who beseeched Hashem to have mercy on Bnei
Yisroel, Hashem responded only to Rochel Imenu, comforting her that the
children will return to their ancestral home. Hashem responded to her silence,
for she did not cry out when the dream of her marriage to Yaakov Avinu was
being stolen from her and Leah was being married to Yaakov in her place. If you
are not sure that what you are about to say is helpful or appropriate, don’t
say it.
Rabbi
Pincus notes that no one would ride in a car with faulty brakes. Keep the
safety brakes on your lips as well. Only then can we keep ourselves grounded,
go in the right direction and arrive safely at our destination. May the final
destination of Eretz Yisroel with Moshiach Tzidkeinu leading us be
reached speedily, in our day.