BS”D

CORE CHARACTER: PARSHAT KI TETZE

Shira Smiles shiur – September 11. 2016/Ellul 8. 5776

Summary by Channie Koplowitz Stein

            Among all the laws in the Torah there is one that almost all our sages agree never happened and was never acted upon. This is the law of the wayward and rebellious son. His parents have determined that their son, despite all their best efforts as perfect parents, refuses to listen to their voice, has become wayward and rebellious, has resorted to gluttony and drunkenness, and they now bring him to the elders of the city to pass judgment upon him, the death sentence of stoning.        

            The overriding question is obviously that if this law was so complex as to render it impossible to ever execute, why is it included in the Torah and why are we to study it? In that study, we will certainly compare this rebellious son to Yishmael, the son of Avraham and Hagar, a young man steeped in the three cardinal sins of murder, improper sexual relations, and worshiping gods other than Hashem, sins for which Hashem agrees with Sarah that the proper course of action was was to send him and his mother Hagar away from home so he would not be a bad influence on Yitzchak. Nevertheless, when Yishmael was dying of thirst and he cried out to Hashem, Hashem hearkened to his voice and did not let him die. The Midrash explains that the angels argued with Hashem that Yishmael’s descendants would be responsible for killing Jews from thirst on their journey to exile, and therefore Yishmael was not worthy of staying alive now.  Hashem responded one judges a person where they are now, not for future sins.  The question than is why did Hashem allow Yishmael to live while sentencing the wayward son to death for fear of the future sins he may commit in order to get money to pay for his excessive pleasures.

            The Torah itself seems to give us the answer. An angel appears to Hagar and reassures her, “Fear not, for God has heeded the cry of the youth ba’asher hu sham - in his present state.” In other words, although Yishmael had sinned so egregiously in the past and his descendants are destined to be evil in the future, at this moment that he is crying out to Hashem he is righteous and is being judged in this moment in his current state.

Yet, why does Hashem judge the rebellious son for his future actions? Rabbi Rebo in Minchas Michoel quotes the Slobodka Rosh Yeshiva who offers an interesting twist on our usual understanding. Rabbi Rebo reminds us that Hashem sometimes judges with strict justice and at other times with compassion. Rabbi Rebo declares that, contrary to what we would assume, Hashem judged Yishmael with strict judgment and the rebellious son with compassion. How is that possible? By taking the long view, we will realize that by executing the rebellious son now, before he has a chance to be totally evil, we enable him to enter the future, permanent, spiritual world. On the other hand, by granting compassion to Yishmael in this physical life, God’s full judgment will be meted out in the future, and he will lose his portion in the eternal, spiritual world.

The Mishnas Rabi Aharon elucidates by citing the Ibn Ezra and Ramban. The rebellious son is already an apostate. By his current lifestyle, he lives only in the present, thus denying the existence of God and an afterlife. He has effectively rejected the command, “You shall be holy.” For this reason, he’s not really being judged on his future, but on his current status, just as Yishmael was judged on his current status. His sin is not so much his overindulgence in food and drink as it is that he has already chosen to live a life in which he remains in the groove of pure physicality. While Yishmael is doing teshuvah and reconnecting to Hashem at this moment, the rebellious son is already paving the path of his own destruction.

            Where are we this year in the month of Elul, as Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur approach? We also create grooves and neural pathways in our brains that point us in the direction we will go. We have the choice of which pathways we will create, but once the groove is embedded, it’s extremely difficult to escape. Teshuvah becomes virtually impossible.

            Are we then permanently tied to a sinful lifestyle once we are on that path? Don’t we continue to have free choice? Rabbi Eliah Lopian in Lev Eliyahu notes that when Hashem introduced David to the Prophet Shmuel as the one chosen to be king, Shmuel was apprehensive, fearing that since David was a redhead like Esau, he would have a similar lust for the red blood of killing as Esau did. But Hashem reassured Shmuel that David had “beautiful eyes”, and that he would only kill with the consent of the Sanhedrin. Although David may have been predisposed to murder, he chose to turn that trait into a positive, just as someone who likes the sight of blood may choose to be a shochet (or a surgeon). Therefore, one should never be judged based simply on his character trait until he actualizes it in deed.

            However, one can go so far along the negative path that he digs himself so deeply into a rut that he cannot climb out. He himself has created a second nature that has become the block to teshuvah. The rebellious son is being held accountable for this mindset. He has no idea of what it means to be holy and to have a relationship with Hakodosh Boruch Hu. Having removed the purpose of life, he is no longer entitled to life. As such, he is being judged on his current status.

            Teshuvah is about getting perspective. Is my life all about the physical or about the spiritual? Yishmael right now is doing nothing wrong and is even reconnecting to God by calling out to him. The rebellious son has taken God out of the picture completely and is not even looking for another path. As Rabbi Schwadron in Letitcha Elyon, notes, that Elul is preparation for the Yomim Noraim when Hashem will judge us by our current status. The question for us is are we to some extent entrenched in a downward path  on a negative foundation? When we wake up in the morning, what do we set for ourselves? Merely to eat, drink, and be merry, or to have worthwhile goals to accomplish something that will help us grow spiritually? Is our gestalt based on physical or on spiritual values?

            We all have both positive and negative character traits, and our higher faculty enables us to choose how to use them, writes Rabbi  Eisenberger in Mesilot Bilvovom. He offers a wonderful analogy to understand the role of our negative character traits in our sins. If one has a fruit tree with problems, one notices whether the problem lies in the fruit or in the roots. If the problem is in the fruit, one need merely discard the crop and work on cultivate for better fruit in the coming season. However, if the problem is in the roots, the tree itself needs to be uprooted and destroyed. Similarly, our sins are like the fruit. But if we trace back the motivation for the sins, the underlying character traits, we can remain alert when these emotions are aroused. For example, if we are prone to cheating or stealing or even speaking loshon horo, perhaps the underlying catalyst is a tendency toward jealousy. Then when we start feeling jealous, the alarms should go off and prevent us from further sins. This is the lesson we are to learn from the wayward and rebellious son.

            But it is not enough to make oneself aware of these negative paths. Rabbi Eisenberger continues, citing a parable from the Chofetz Chaim. If a wagoner points his horse in the right direction but then dozes off, it is highly likely that the horse will stray from the appointed path. The waggoneer must hold tightly onto the reins and continuously adjust them to keep the horse on the right path. So too must we remain constantly vigilant of our negative tendencies and keep them in check on the right path.

            Rabbi Yaakov Meir Schechter, citing Rav Ovadiah Bartenura, notes in The Scent of Eden that although the order of transmission is so central to the belief in the authenticity of Torah She’Be’al Peh, it was nevertheless placed only at the beginning of Avoth rather than at the beginning of every tractate. Since Avoth is primarily a book of ethics and on perfecting one’s character, we are meant to understand that just as all the other laws are derived from Sinai, so too are we commanded to overcome and eliminate these negative traits and perfect our character, Perfecting our character is a mitzvah from Sinai. If we can sort our sins into “character categories”, we will more likely be able to plan an effective general attack.

            Here we have a difference between Yishmael and the rebellious son. Right now, Yishmael is on a corrective path in spite of his previous sins. The rebellious son, however, is so entrenched in his negative ways that he won’t listen to the advice and admonitions of others, even his parents, writes Rabbi Wachtfogel. The Ohel Moshe, citing Rav Shach, brings proof from the end of the Parsha of Yishmael’s willingness to heed others. The Torah states that he married the woman his mother brought him from Egypt.

            Messages come to us not only from our earthly relatives and friends, but daily from Hakodosh Boruch Hu Himself. The question is are we attuned to hearing these messages and accepting that they are meant for us, not for someone else, asks Rabbi Leff. Hashem communicates with us in so many ways. When something happens, or when we meet someone, do we ask ourselves what we can learn from the situation or the encounter? Or do we just attribute everything to coincidence and” luck”?

            It is not the particular sin, whether we consider it a major or minor sin, that determines the severity of the sin, but rather the effect it has on our core. Some sins remain external to us, not changing our essence, while others have a profound effect on our essence, writes Rabbi Goldwicht in Asufat Maarachot. Bnei Yisroel sinned with every major sin during the time of the First Temple. Yet the exile with which we were punished lasted only seventy years. In contrast, during the Second Temple era, Bnei Yisroel kept all the mitzvoth. Their one flaw was that they felt unfounded hatred for other Jews (often leading to hurtful acts). And for this flaw in character we are still in exile almost 2,000 years after the destruction of the Temple.

            Yishmael was involved in the three cardinal sins, yet they hadn’t corrupted his essence, continues Rabbi Goldwicht. He never lost his connection to Hakodosh Boruch Hu, and when his situation became desperate, he called out to Hashem. But the rebellious son has broken that connection. He has closed the door on the relationship. His very essence has been corrupted.

            Hashem has commanded that we “say before Him Kingship, Remembrance, and the sound of the Shofar.” Further, the blessing before performing the mitzvah of shofar states that we are commanded to “hear the sound of the shofar,” not to blow the shofar. The shofar is meant to awaken us to seek the connection to the Ribbono shel olam. Only then will the words of Kingship and Remembering rise up together together with the sounds of the shofar and with our personal prayers and requests.

            We start hearing the sound of the shofar in Elul, and it should awaken the true essence of our being. In the month of Elul we are our true spiritual selves, even when we haven’t been able to maintain the spirituality that is the core of our being during the preceding eleven months. Find the one character trait that is affecting your actions and behavior, and be tuned in to it. Then allow your inner voice to make the connection to Hakodosh Boruch Hu.

            How can I improve myself? Rabbi Friefeld, in In Search of Greatness explains the steps outlined in Rabbi Bachya’s Chovos Halevovos. Take one small area of improvement and work on it until it becomes second nature, and only then move on. Perhaps, choose an area of self improvement that focuses in on the positive side of the character trait you are working on improving.  For example, if one is working on carelessness in speech, they can take on complementing a few people each day.  However, it all begins only when we have instilled in ourselves a strong desire for improvement. If we hold tight to the reins as we go on our journey, we will be headed in the right direction, even if the steps seem small. Listen to the voices of our spiritual advisers, and listen closely to the deep voice within ourselves until we’ve created habits of every small change as we continue our spiritual growth. We are human and will inevitably stumble, but if we maintain our connection to Hakodosh Boruch Hu, we can succeedstill call out to Him and He will listen.